Leading by Example: The Only Kind of Leadership That Works

Here's a truth that every coach, captain, manager, and parent needs to hear: they're not listening to your words. They're watching your actions.

A father tells his kids to write down what they're grateful for. Then he sits down at the table with them and does it too. He reads his out loud. 'I'm grateful your mom made dinner when she was tired. I'm grateful you guys make me laugh every day. I'm grateful for this table we're sitting at.' His kids roll their eyes. But they write theirs. And ten years later, they'll remember that their dad did it with them, not just told them to.

A project manager asks her team to set daily intentions. She puts hers on the team Slack channel every morning. 'Today I'm going to be patient.' 'Today I'm going to be thorough.' Her team starts doing it too. Not because of a policy. Because of a person. A coach asks his players to complete the NTQ Performance app every morning and evening. Randomly at practice he starts talking about some entries he did that really impacted him and asks others about theirs. His team now starts randomly talking about their entries while getting ready before practice and as they leave they remind each other to complete their evening check-ins. Not because they were told to and have to but because they want to. Their coach is leading by example.

What happens when leaders don't go first:

Everyone can smell hypocrisy. Teenagers especially. When a coach assigns something she doesn't do herself, trust erodes. When a manager preaches work-life balance but emails at midnight, nobody believes the words. When a parent says 'do as I say, not as I do,' the kid learns exactly one thing: my parent doesn't actually believe what they're telling me.

The fastest way to negatively impact a team culture is to ask people to do something you're not willing to do yourself. The fastest way to build one is to go first and invite them to follow.

Going first is uncomfortable.

It means being vulnerable. It means your team sees you trying and sometimes failing. It means they see your real gratitude, your real intentions, your real reflections. That vulnerability is not weakness. It's the most powerful form of leadership there is. Because when people see you being real, they feel safe being real too.

If you want your team/employees to show up, show up first. If you want them to be honest, be honest first. If you want them to live their values, live yours first. That's it. That's the whole leadership playbook.